TGIFriday's in Caracas

What's the worst smell you've ever encountered?

For me, I would have said any of these Third World capitals, the exhaust spewing down the streets like a river. Much worse than vegemite or Tibetan butter tea or the urine jar my roommate kept on his bookshelf in Bratislava with its roof of mold. Would have, that is, before yesterday, when I walked into the bathroom of the TGIFriday's where my mom and I were eating. Therein, I smelled fresh sperm so strong that I couldn´t breathe. A pudgy guy with his hand in his pocket and a disheveled, peaceful grin came out as I went in. I'm sure it was his sperm. The problem was I had to wash the hamburger juices off my hands and arms and so I had to spend a good five minutes bathed in the sperm smell, scrubbing my arms. Finally I just gave up on trying to rinse them, and forget about drying my arms with those air dryers, so I walked out with my arms lathered in soap, so I'm pretty sure everyone thought it was my sperm.

I thought about a couple of my U.S. friends, who spend a good deal of time trying to manage the public space and questions of appropriate comportment and would have gone to the manager with:

"Your bathroom smells like fresh sperm! I suggest you do something about it, because frankly I've lost my appetite and may never set foot in a TGIFridays again, even on home soil. I know you can't stop people from having a nice public wank, but you have to spray something in there before you have a puke problem to contend with."