world records

It's not every day one can look in the mirror and say, "Today I broke a world record. Or at least tied one."

I got up and even before coffee started making the omelette. The oil and onions and garlic and cherry tomatoes and cheese were all ready to go. All we needed were the eggs. The first egg I slammed a little too hard against the edge of the frying pan. Somehow the entire egg slid out underneath the pan, cooking nicely around the flame, and in shock I dropped the entire shell into the pan.

See future blog post on my record of standing on one leg with eyes closed. But this is the unbreakable record I may be remembered for, highest-percentage-of-shell-in-the-pan.

This is the way it's gone this week on Bogardus Place. I was making coffee in my socks when I felt the unmistakeable slicing-through-flesh-of-the-foot feeling that can only mean one thing: glass shard. But no! When I dropped to my knees to first take off my sock and watch the blood seeping from the ball of my right foot and then find the perpetrator, I saw that it was nothing else than a grain of rice. Hardened by perhaps years of neglect by the prior occupants of this apartment, this grain of rice had lodged itself between the floorboards and formed a dagger there waiting for the unshod foot.

Is this another world record? Surely someone else out there has been cut by a grain of rice. Letters, please.